Admissions of an Editor ...

11/12/2010

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Just found this blog by T.H.Mafi (http://stiryourtea.blogspot.com/p/bio.html) and thought I'd better own up ... 


I was just working on my latest novel (title t.b.d.) and realized I used every single one of these terms ... a few times ... 


On the other hand, what options are there? I mean, if your character is resigned to something, is it right to change 'she sighed' to something like 'she inhaled, then exhaled'?What if that's really what she does? Sometimes you just gotta tell it like it is.


But I thought this was a hilarious blog (actually, the whole site is definitely worth a read - great sense of humour) and thought I'd share it so you'd know you're not the only one whose characters are constantly blinking and glancing ...

7 Things Your Characters Do Too Much

1. SIGH.characters LOVE TO SIGH. everyone is sighing ALL THE TIME! "dreamily, happily, painfully, unconsciously, forcefully, desolately, adjectively," she said, sighing regretfully.
2. GLANCE.we are so good at glancing! we glance at everything, especially when we're really focusing on something! but when we're really focusing on something we'll glance really hard which would be perfectly okay except that glancing really hard isn't really glancing at all. is it?

3. BLINK.because it's so much better than staring at things.

4. STARE.because it's so much better than looking at things.

5. LOOK.because it's the same thing as having eyes that happen to be open. CUT US SOME SLACK THIS WRITING BUSINESS IS DIFFICULT

6. GROWL. i've seen a lot of Love Interests growling lately. i wonder if their mouths are hungry?

7. HISS.OY, HARRY! THE BASILISK IS COMING! THE BASILISK IS COMING!!
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An Ode To English Plural

11/06/2010

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(thank you to my friend Robin for sending me this ...)                                             

 We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,                         
 But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.                             
 One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,                           
 Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.                           
 You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,                        
 Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.                             

If the plural of man is always called men,                               
 Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?                           
 If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,                              
 And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?                      
 If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,                             
 Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?                       
                                                                          
Then one may be that, and three would be those,                          
 Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,                               
 And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.                                 
 We speak of a brother and also of brethren,                              
 But though we say mother, we never say methren.                          
 Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,                         
 But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!                            
                                                                           
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.                             
 There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;                        
 neither apple nor pine in pineapple.                                     
 English muffins weren't invented in England.                             
 We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,            
 we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,         
 and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.                 
                                                                           
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,                 
 grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?                               
 Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.        
 If you have a bunch of odds and ends and                                 
 get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?                     
                                                                           
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?                        
 If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?           
 Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English             
 should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.                
                                                                           
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? We ship by truck but send cargo by ship...                               
 We have noses that run and feet that smell.                              
 We park in a driveway and drive on a parkway.                            
 And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,                  
 while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?                           
                                                                           
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language                    
 in which your house can burn up as it burns down,                        
 in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and                       
 in which an alarm goes off by going on.                                  
                                                                          
And in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?

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Grammar Anti-Advice!

11/02/2010

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Got this today and thought I'd pass it on. In case you're unsure, this is a JOKE, but it actually gives a pretty good idea of what NOT to do with grammar.

(I especially like #27)


1. Avoid alliteration. Always.

2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.

3. Employ the vernacular.

4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

6. Remember to never split an infinitive.

7. Contractions aren't necessary.

8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

9. One should never generalize.

10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

11. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

12. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

13. Be more or less specific.

14. Understatement is always best.

15. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

17. The passive voice is to be avoided.

18. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

20. Who needs rhetorical questions?

21. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

22. Don't never use a double negation.

23. capitalize every sentence and remember always end it with period/full stop

24. Do not put statements in the negative form.

25. Verbs have to agree with their subjects.

26. Proofread carefully to see if you words out.

27. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.

28. A writer must not shift your point of view.

29. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)

30. Don't overuse exclamation marks!!

31. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to the irantecedents.

32. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.

33. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.

34. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.

35. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.

36. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.

37. Always pick on the correct idiom.

38. The adverb always follows the verb.

39. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; They're old hat; seek viable alternatives.

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