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This weekend my family and I, along with a number of other like-minded folks in our little town, got together to help with an Adopt-A-Highway volunteer thing. Basically it meant we got to pick up garbage along the sides of the highway. We’ve done it the past three years now, and though it means we are attacked by starving black flies, survive a few harrowing near misses with vehicles on the highway, and usually sweat through our orange safety vests, we feel good about what we’re doing.

In three hours our little group of about twenty cleaned up 6 km of highway, bringing in 79 bags of garbage, 6 bags of recycling, 3 mailboxes, a tire, and a few other things I can’t recall at the moment.

Let’s think about that. Everything we picked up had once been considered useful. Those little plastic forks, pop cans, chocolate bar wrappers, bottles, construction materials - everything at one point had a function. If it weren’t for those forks, how would that person have enjoyed their meal? If they hadn’t had a wrapper on that chocolate bar, well, no one would have ever been able to eat it. So these little things were important. But by the time we dug the pieces out of shrubs and mud and gravel, they were nothing but forgotten items people had neglected to throw away properly. All they did was junk up the town.

When we write a story, we fill it with words that are deemed necessary at the time. If we don’t use a specific adjective at that point, will the picture be clear enough for the reader? If that paragraph describing the sunset isn’t there, will the reader know what time it is? Will they sense the scene properly? Or are all those words, once so vital to the story, simply extra bits that no longer serve a purpose?

When you read through something, do the words fill you with a sense of euphoria, kind of like when an elevator stops and your stomach does that little rolling thing? Because when I read something truly phenomenal, I feel that. If that same paragraph is crowded by unnecessary words, the sensation is gone. It’s just another bunch of words I am forced to wade through.

I cut 75,000 words from my first novel. It hurt like crazy, making those cuts. But the streamlined version was a completely different book, one that had something to say. The message was clean. Fresh and inviting, like the sides of our highway are now. The words which remained had been important in the original draft, but were still vital in the present. I went through them so many times, picked through what was garbage and left what belonged, and even then my agent said to go back and look again. There’s always garbage hiding in the grass, under a rock, stuck to the road. Dig it outta there.

One thing, though. When you’re doing your Adopt-A-Manuscript Clean-up, don’t throw it all in the garbage. We’re in 2011. Think Recycle. Some of those thousands of words that I cut ended up reappearing, popping up in bits and pieces in my next couple of novels. The words did have a function. They were meant to be included, just maybe not at that particular time.

Today my husband and I were driving to the gym, heading past the ditches and paths we’d just cleaned, and the odd hot dog wrapper, napkin, cup waved hello from the grass as we drove by. Wouldn’t it be nice if that didn’t happen? If we could continuously edit both the world and our books, keeping them clean and inviting as we go along?

Think of it this way:

You have a cup of coffee. No garbage can anywhere around.
Choice:
a) Toss it. Nobody'll notice.
b) Take the time, make the effort of bringing it home with you and throwing it out later

You write a story. Too many extra words or scenes load your story down, bore the reader, bore the author.
Choice:
a) Leave them in. Nobody'll notice.
b) Dig deep. Cut words/phrases/chapters. Get rid of those things that don’t belong.

I wish I’d thought of this blog for Earth Day, but it works just fine any old day.

Get rid of the clutter. Take pride in your work. Put in the effort. You’ll be glad you did. Everyone will.

A beautiful, heart-wrenching example of Show, don't Tell.

04/25/2011

A beautiful, heart-wrenching example of Show, don't Tell.

The K.I.S.S. Principle for Authors

04/23/2011

Keep It Simple, Stupid ...

or

Keep Inadequacies Sparce, Scribe

I find it hilarious that when I decided to write a blog concerning cutting unnecessary words, I couldn’t stop writing. And I didn’t even write all that I wanted. Granted, some of the words are in lists rather than examples, but the irony was still there. Weird sense of humour, huh?

Today’s blog is about reducing Redundancies, Pleonisms and Tautology in your writing.

Grammar God WIlliam Strunk Jr. said:
Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell.

Incorrect: Each and every word has a meaning in a sentence.
Correct: Every word has a meaning.

Incorrect: When you review and examine the sentences you wrote, look carefully at each and every word that you used.
Correct: When you examine your sentences, consider each word separately.

Incorrect: Do you believe each one of the words you used is needed in this particular situation?
Correct: Is each word needed in this situation?

Incorrect: Or have you decided to include that word in this sentence because it is one you have heard before and it seemed like a good place to use it?
Correct: Or are you dropping in words because they kind of sound right?

Incorrect: Or could it be the fact that using these words has become a habit and you have gotten used to doing it all the time so it is just out of habit?
Correct: Or is it a habit?

Stop right there. Hear this:
If the word is not needed, don’t use it. Simple as that.

✔ Get rid of or replace unnecessary and/or meaningless adjectives and adverbs.

Consider these words: really, very, quite, somewhat, good, nice, fine. What do they really add to a sentence? Seriously. Unless you feel it is very important to stress somethingreally, really nicely, leave it out. That’d be a good idea, huh? Use better words.
really pretty --------> gorgeous
very costly ---------> expensive or (just) costly
quite tired -----------> exhausted or weary
good time -----------> enjoyable experience
nice person ---------> amiable, considerate, friendly individual

✔ Combine excessive words to form a more concise statement.

Incorrect: Susan thought the red paint was very bright and cheerful. Mike said the same thing. Julie really liked the happy mood the red paint brought to the room.
Correct: Susan, Mike and Julie liked the bright red paint.

✔ Consider each word individually. Is it redundant within itself? For example:
bald(-headed)
(advance) warning
collaborate (together)
could (possibly)
each (and every)
evolve (over time)
whether (or not)
(fore)warn

The terms “Redundancy”, “Pleonasm” and “Tautology” all refer to the needless repetition of words. Trying to differentiate the terms is (to me) similar to splitting hairs: it gives me a headache, and it’s not important.

Basically, “Redundancy” is made up of both “Pleonasm” and “Tautology”. I tried to divide them, but I might have gotten some mixed up. The fact is that using either is bad.
“Pleonasms” use more words than are necessary to describe something.
“Tautology” repeats the same thing by using superfluous words or phrases.

Lists of redundancies are endless, so I’m only pointing out a few that you might have used in your own writing. I have to admit that since I’m somewhat of a grammar geek, I get a giggle out of some of these. Yes, I’m simple that way.

Examples of Pleonasms:
at this moment in time
square shape
large size
short in height
return again
eight a.m. in the morning
reiterate again
nodded(his head)
shrugged(her shoulders)
(the end) result

Examples of Tautology:
true fact
free gift
foreign import
close proximity
return to where he came from
all alone by myself
(in my opinion) I believe
Suddenly,(all at once)
“You wouldn’t have won if we’d beaten you.” (Yogi Berra)
“Either ghosts exist, or they don’t.”
“Your missing shoes have to be somewhere.”

A few of my favourites:

A.T.M. machine. “Automated Teller Machine” machine. Don't forget your PIN number.
P.I.N. number. “Personal Identification Number” number. Keep it secret secret.
R.S.V.P. please. R.S.V.P. stands for répondez s'il vous plaît, which means respond, please. So if you say Please R.S.V.P. or R.S.V.P. please, you’re saying please respond please or respond please please. Sounds a bit desperate, don’t you think?
And in Canada, we have the N.D.P. party. New Democrat Party party. That's a lot of party.

Rhythmic Redundancy
I haven’t seen many references to this particular peeve online, but I would like to bring up what I call “Rhythmic Redundancy”. This does not apply to poets, who might actually be aiming for this exact method. If you are the next Dr Seuss, please look away.

Each sentence has a rhythm to it, whether it’s “The mouse ran up the clock” or “The mouse scrambled over the weary hands of the clock”. If every sentence sounds either phonetically or rhythmically similar, the reader will become bored. That’s just a fact, Jack.

Incorrect:
Same rhythm ... sing along, everybody!:
The mouse ran up the clock. She saw it was past one. The time for lunch was gone. They had to go to work.

*yawn*

Correct:
Different rhythm ... better:
The mouse ran up the clock, attracting her attention. She looked up and saw it was past one. It was too late to have lunch now. She would have to get back to work.

Correct:
Different rhythm ... best:
The mouse scrambled over the clock’s cracked face, attracting the woman’s attention. Her eyes followed the scurrying movements then focused on the clock’s worn hands. How could it be past two already? Too late for lunch. Work beckoned.

Ridding work of redundancies is a big part of what editors do, but you can do it yourself if you are willing to take the time. Redundancies can be painfully obvious, or they can be nitpicky. Either one is bad.

There is no guarantee that deleting redundancies will increase or decrease your wordcount, in case you are worried about that. You can make it work either way, actually. The only guarantee is that your work will flow more smoothly, do more “Show” than “Tell”, and give your readers something interesting to which they can cling.

And paying attention to every word will make you a better writer.

SO ... at the risk of repeating myself, today’s message:

Keep it simple.

✔ Get rid of or replace unnecessary and/or meaningless adjectives and adverbs.
✔ Combine excessive words to form a more concise statement.
✔ Consider each word. Is it redundant within itself?

Ah! I see it now!

04/05/2011

I can’t remember how many times I read this when I first bopped around online, looking at critique sites, listening in on forums, reading comments on writing. Show, don’t tell. Huh.

After I got hit over the head with it enough times, I understood the concept. The author must envelop the reader in the story, fill his senses with setting, character, emotions, action and everything else. In effect, the author must make it possible for the Reader to forget both that they are the Reader, and the fact that they’re reading a story.

Sounds simple enough.

Ha! Personally, I think that part of writing can be almost as difficult as the infamous Agent search. However, it can also be the most rewarding. And if it’s done well, the Reader goes away with an image in their head, something they’ll remember.

In order for an author to Show, not Tell, they must allow their thoughts to be completely “at one” with their writing. Throw in all those techniques and tools we writers are always talking about: metaphors, similes, dialogue, etc. For me it’s kind of a zen thing. While your fingers are flying and your mind is racing along with the action, it’s easy to try to keep up by writing something like,

She ran into the forest, needing to escape. That, my friends, is Telling.

If I really take my time and sink into the scene, I am able to Show.
The pounding of her feet was background to her laboured gasps; her heartbeat raced. The trees closed on her like wolves around an injured deer, their gnarled branches clawing and scraping her sweat-soaked skin. The air was heavy, wet from the storm, and slippery, twisted roots jutted up to grasp at her exhausted feet. Escape jeered from far away. <-------- Goal

You may not like my example. Actually, I’m not convinced either. Could be overdone. But let’s consider it anyway. What are the differences between the two examples?

Telling:
Basic nouns and verbs
Few or no adjectives and adverbs

Showing:
Metaphors: Can you see the wolves/trees? Can you sense the menace?
Other devices such as Personification (of the trees and roots, and even of escape)
Covers senses such as: Touch (clawing and scraping), smell (the heavy air), emotion (panic)
Paints clear, precise images: describes details about trees, background on weather and conditions on the ground, location (faraway) of her goal.

On the other hand,
too much Showing can destroy a piece. Too many descriptive words, listing unimportant facts and features ...

In my opinion, there are basically three ways to describe one thing.

The first is Telling.
The cowboy was blond and looked good. <-------- Avoid

The second is what I call a “shopping list”.
He had blond hair that hung to his shoulders and it was messy. He wore a red, green and black plaid flannel shirt that was so old it needed to be patched. It had a square pocket on the left side. His silver belt buckle was large and not very shiny. It was the shape of a wild, bucking bronco with a cowboy on top. <-------- Avoid

The third is to Show.
Long, golden blond waves, tousled by indifference, tickled the solid slope of his shoulders. He’d tucked in one side of his flannel shirt, leaving the other to hang carelessly over his thigh. A tarnished silver buckle winked from behind the worn material. <-------- Goal

Another technique is to throw in a little dialogue. Everyone wants to hear dialogue anyway.

Instead of:
The office manager stormed into her office and demanded coffee. <----- Avoid

How about:
Her head jerked up as the office manager stormed into her office and slammed the door behind him. “I want coffee, and I want it now,” he demanded. <-------- Goal

So ... Show, don’t tell:
1. Use effective, descriptive nouns and verbs, adding necessary adjectives and adverbs whenever needed. Don’t overdo it.
2. Cover as many senses as possible: sight, touch, sound, smell, taste, intuition
3. Use writing techniques like personification, metaphors, etc
4. Don’t list things, describe them. And only bother with the ones that matter.
5. Paint clear, concise images that will swallow up the Reader.

Here. Try this. I’ll get you started, and you make this into something memorable ...
The editor hoped her advice helped.

"How should I write dialogue?" she asked.

03/07/2011

Okay. Just a quick note today touching on dialogue tags ... or, for my American friends, dialog tags ... because I believe it is the #1 thing on my most-fixed list.

Question:
Can you "blush" something? Can you "sigh" something? Can you "laugh" something?
Answer:
NO!
Solution:
Don't do this: "What a funny thing to write about," blushed the writer.
... Do this: "What a funny thing to write about," the writer thought, feeling a blush creep up her neck.
Don't do this: "He's so cute," she sighed.
... Do this: "He's so cute," she whispered, giggling behind her hand.
Don't do this: "Why, yes I am," laughed the boy.
... Do this: Do like this: "Why, yes I am," the boy declared, puffing out his chest.

On to punctuation. I'm only going to address ONE simple point. If you want to know more, just ask.
Don't do this: "Hello there." she said.
... Do this: "Hello there," she said.
or Do this: "Hello there." She smiled and waved.

Don't be afraid of the word "said";
... Do try other good words you can use, in addition to "said" ... have you tried "replied", "asked", "shouted", "whispered", "muttered", etc

Hurray! A blog about excess Exclamation Points! How exciting!!!

02/28/2011

6 Comments

There are times in literature, indeed in life, when a situation demands more than the usual amount of enthusiasm. When something incredible happens in real life, we jump up and down, we yell, we hoot and holler, and our expressions are usually full of emotion. When we write, authors often indicate this excitement by using an Exclamation Point (also known as an Exclamation Mark).

Let’s say we have a scenario wherein a man is meeting his long lost brother after twenty years of separation. He might say something like,

“It’s so good to see you!”

Perfectly acceptable, in my humble opinion; however, this is where some authors tend to go astray. Let’s continue this conversation, shall we?

“It’s so good to see you!”
“How are you?!”
“Wonderful! You look great!”
“I can’t believe this! I can’t wait to tell everyone!”
“I know! So amazing! How is everything?!”
"Fantastic! You?!"

Ow. My head is now officially pounding.

In effect, what is going on in this conversation is that the two men are yelling at each other. Personally, I am not a fan of a room full of yelling people. In fact, I tend to leave the room in that particular situation. It’s even worse in this case, because it’s just the two characters yelling at each other.

An exclamation point should be used for one reason only: to emphasize a point. To “exclaim” about a “point”, if you will. The overuse of exclamation points makes everything look exactly the same. Instead of the natural rise and fall of a story, it becomes one long yell. How is the reader supposed to differentiate between regular moments and more exciting ones when everything looks identical?

YA novels are often (not always!) salted liberally with exclamation points, presumedly representing teenage enthusiasm, energy, angst ...; however, using exclamation points too often makes a book looks even more ... um ... juvenile. And not in a good way. Oh, and even if your YA novel begs for an exclamation point, please, please promise me you’ll limit yourself to only using one at a time. Save multiples for texting, if you must.

OMG!!!!! *sigh*

Children’s books usually contain even more. I understand why, but just because kids get excited and yell a lot that doesn’t make it right. The reader shouldn’t have to believe each sentence is as important as every other one.

Of course there are exceptions. Here’s a scenario in which multiple exclamation points work because the characters are yelling.

“Look! It’s a U.F.O.!”
“Where?”
“Over there! Look!”
“Where - Hey, I see it! Cool!”
“Wow. It looks like it’s coming this way,” Jim said, squinting toward the ship.
Pete nodded slowly. “Yeah, pretty quickly, too.”
After a moment of staring at the rapidly approaching lights, the men exchanged a glance of concern, then Jim spoke up. “How fast can you run?”
Pete took off. “All that matters is that I can run faster than you!” he yelled back over his shoulder.

I read a rule somewhere advising authors to limit their use of exclamation points to one per page. I’m not a great believer in writing rules, per se, but I do agree with the idea behind this one.

Can you use better nouns or verbs instead of having to resort to exclamation points?

How about using dialogue tags to indicate excitement? For example, instead of “It’s so great to see you!”, try something like: “It’s so great to see you,” he said, beaming with joy. That simple difference imparts so much more emotion for the reader, as well as getting rid of exclamation points.

Some people use excessive semi-colons; some find joy in dotting their pages with exclamation points. Both tools should be used in moderation, if at all. Their ultimate function is to provide an editor with one more thing to delete or replace.

Okay, everyone. Back to work!

6 Comments

Tip of the Day: Farther or Further?

02/11/2011

by Genevieve Graham-Sawchyn

Farther or Further?

I had to look this one up, so I'll save you the trouble.

"Farther" and "Further" are often used interchangeably, but here's the real scoop.

"Farther" is a reference to physical distance. (a long way, distant, remote)

I drove farther than I ever have.
"How much farther is it?" (whine my kids in the back of the car...)

"Further” can be used in the same way as "Farther"; however, it can also be used as a figurative word:

Nothing could be further from the truth

as an adjective:

I have no further comment

OR as a verb

Hiring an editor can further your progress!
(And furthermore, I really like that example.)

If you're not sure ... nobody will notice, probably - except an editor! :)

GUEST POST: Spelling And Grammer Matter’s

02/10/2011

By: Tracey Neithercott

Maybe because I’m a former copyeditor. But I’m incredibly Passionate about proper grammer and spelling because if you don’t have those things it can be very hard to understand sentences, your reader’s won’t want to waste they’re Time on you’re Book or you even if you think its good.

Editors and Agents too. They don’t like to read submissions from writer whom use inproper grammer or spelling even if you execute the story part good. Plenty of people say that its the storytelling that matters really but its not its a mix of Storytelling and Knowing how to write, that includes grammer and spelling and all that. Writers that submit they’re novels which are chalk full of mistakes frequently are rejected!

See Agent’s and editors’ don’t have a lot of time to waste deciphering bad-written novels; even if they may think the story is better than Harry Potter and Hunger Games and Twilight combined into one sparkling magical war book and even if they like you’re other ideas.

They just don’t want to waste there time making you’re Book understandable to readers. Those are you’re job.

Give yourself with a grammer book some help! Fine a astonishingly good text that can teach you the basic Principle’s of the English language and that you read on you’re own Time so that you can get better at the writing part. Also for spelling. It for some people is worser.

When it’s spelled good and has all the grammer right, you can submit a book that is your best work.

Just between you and I, learning the rules to the grammer isn’t the easiest thing but the good news is that its possible. Don’t loose hope!
Tracey Neithercott is a health journalist and former copy editor who writes YA fiction when she should be sleeping. She attempts to use proper grammar on her blog, Words on Paper.